I took my morning walk this morning, its a short walk, it's a sacred walk. I haven't taken this walk in 16 days. The fire, the ring of fire that surrounds this sacred land is smoldering and the smoke that was once choking my lungs and left me with a vicious rash on my back has almost dissipated. So I took my walk with my hand crafted platter I bought 20 plus years ago with a big mug of morning tea and breakfast bowl of yogurt mixed with all kinda superfood probiotics.

My walk starts from the kitchen out the front door and down the cement walkway, a quick right off the walkway and the first step on to the earth, dry dirt with a bit of mulch and leaves from the trees that have been blown about, to my right a red rose bush that is surely not doing as well as it once did, at one time it was a glorious blossoming beauty, today it is covered in ash reminding me how tender life can be. Yet as soon as my bare feet touch the earth my being shifts I feel transported to another time and place, a past life or 2 where I had taken sacred pilgrimages. In many traditions there are pilgrimages one can take, yet every morning feels like a pilgrimage into the sacred, as I walk across the dry land to the side yard. I step through a sweet little gate that always reminds me of my Grandma Pearl, a chain link gate with a little metal swirly on top and a u shaped metal latch that flips up to swing open. Flanked framed and umbrellad by 2 huge chinese elms is the meditation deck I built. It was the first thing I did when I moved into this house 3 plus years ago, along with planting my rose geraniums into the earth at the foot of the deck, some pots of hummingbird sage next to a bench with a few pillows, all this and an incredible view of this Valley of the Moon is where my walk ends and my morning meditation begins.

The Topa Topa mountain range that surrounds the valley was once lush and green is now grey ash, oddly enough mother nature feels scoured clean and fresh with possibilities renewed, its as if she was holding the sorrows and pain of the humans who have walked her trails and those who live at her feet, all those sorrows have been burnt away and left as ash to soak in and fertilize the seeding left behind by the gand old trees that no longer exist.

Every morning I take this pilgrimage and I sit and I give thanks to this sacred land and blessings abound along with deep contemplation meditation and breath through my heart and into the sacred space of the heart, this is how I start every day with the beauty of the sacred 

So after 16 days I have a lot of blessings and thanks to give as my home, my being are fully intact and alive and yet as I sit and feel into my being I can not find that feeling I once knew, a feeling of being safe. The fear, panic and just downright terror that has coursed through my being was like nothing I have ever felt before. I evacuated the first morning of the fire and as I packed a few dresses a couple pairs of shoes the basic toiletries, a towel, some bedding, a sweater, my magically cryptic recipe book of beauty blends, the computer and the inventory of finished product all were carefully yet quickly loaded into the car with the pop up tent and all the makings of my farmers market beauty boutique. The entire time and for the next 10 days my body shaking and quivering with a chilling fear, as write this it all starts up again, with this level of fear came a calm clarity and an incredibly clear channel of divine guidance.

As I drove off leaving behind a house full of stuff and my work that I love, an apothecary of aromatic essential oils, herbs, exoctic oils from around the world ormusgold, jars, bottles labels a printer, all the makings for my magical beauty blends along with my collection of crystals and gemstones, these are the belongings I hold near and dear, and yet as I looked through the rear mirror hoping to one day see all my belongings again I had a talk with great spirit and I said "if all that is in this car, is all I have left with me .. so be it"

I felt into those words with such conviction that a deep peace like nothing ever before flooded my being, relishing in this peace as I drove down the highway it transformed into a vast freedom that swept through me, a freedom that was breaking chains, the life that was being lived in that house had been set free.

Here I am 16 days later at this house I have made a home along with my work and taking my morning pilgrimage,  Its the same place and yet everything feels different.

live a scared beautiful life 

Narayan

image: narayan